Humbly Grateful or Grumbly Hateful?

"Spread for me a banquet of praise, serve High God a feast of kept promises, And call for help when you're in trouble—I'll help you, and you'll honor me." - Psalm 50:14-15 (The Message)

Thanksgiving 2011 has passed without a lot of fanfare but with an overwhelming, overflowing, incredible sense of thankfulness and gratitude. Thanks GIVING. That's the key. It's an act. It's a verb. It's a process. We have to give our thanks away. Sometimes that can be painful or it may be hard to remember why or what we have to be thankful for when it comes to others.

I admit it. I have often been annoyed by Hallmark Holidays that make me feel guilty if I don't - on demand - love someone, buy chocolates, wear green, raise a flag, or something else. I don't want to be force to do something. I want to love, be kind to, respect, thank, admire, admonish, encourage, and uplift people ALL YEAR LONG. But I know it's not always easy and I fall short of where I truly desire to be. I tell them why I am grateful for them and sometimes, I even write them a real, handwritten, snail mail letter.

But many people are not easy to thank nor do they verbalize or show their thankfulness. Not only do they forget to say "Thanks" or "Thank You" but they have an altogether sour attitude. Words are important, but more telling is the attitude behind those words. You know what I mean. A quick "thanks" said with sarcasm, complete silence, or an attitude of "I'm not going to thank you because all you did was meet my expectation" just...doesn't satisfy the soul. Jesus asked me to be thankful in ALL things and to love even my "enemies" or those people who aren't pure positive sunshine and encouragement. I am to be thankful for them, too.

We were made to give thanks - and to receive it. But sometimes, it's just nice to hear what other people have to say. Our 307+ million people in the United States stop for a day or two to gather together and be thankful? It's very touching when you think about it. The national holiday started in 1863 when President Abraham Lincoln declared it to be so (the first thanksgiving feast was in November 1621) and have everyone stop what they were doing for a day or two to be grateful. Even in the midst of sickness, starvation, and death, the Pilgrims remembered to be thankful for what they did have. Amazing!

Attitude Adjustment

It's about a humble attitude, a submission to admitting that we are conscious of benefit received, that we express thanks, that we are well-please, and appreciative of the kindness, advantage, or circumstance. As a kid, we sang a song in children's choir that went like this:

"Are you humbly grateful or grumbly hateful, what's your attitude?
Do you grumble and moan or let it be known you're grateful for all God's done for you?"

It was about Jonah in the belly of whale. And I admit, I wondered how he could be grateful for that, too, especially considering that the smell of fish makes me instantly nauseated.

I have often been careful to show TOO much thankfulness; I didn't want to come across as forward or a pushover or verbose or... Wait, what was I scared of again? I'm a words of affirmation person. They are like sunshine to my soul and encourage me to keep on going. They say, "Keep on going! You're doing the right thing. You're brave. You're courageous. You're doing well. Yes, we're proud of you. Yes, we'll follow you! Make that decision again. You chose well." And so I do that for others.

An Identity Defined By Gratefulness

This summer, I was privileged to attend a little in-the-park talk by Patrick Dodson who wrote The Identity Project book by Patrick Dodson. It isn't about choosing the right career or studying the exactly correct major in college or calling yourself by a particular title. It's about who you were created to be by Christ. And how others speak identity into your life. It's been on my heart and mind. How do I speak identity into others? Not just think "He's a nice guy. She's an interesting girl. They're a fascinating couple." I mean really speak it into others? So this week, out of Thanksgiving (key word "giving") I wrote postcards to four of my nieces and nephews (and have 10 more to complete) and six of my close friends and told them why I was thankful for them: what I see them doing, who I observe them to be, and what I see them becoming.

So, I am am glad for Thanksgiving, to be encouraged by so many people who are remembering what God has done in and through us. I am glad to be reminded of thanking our Savior for so many things: for Salvation, for God's word, for my Testimony, for Truth, for health, family, friends, a warm home, healthy food, work, creativity, the opportunity to join others in service, my nieces and nephews, and on, and on, and on.

"The Spirit makes it clear that as time goes on, some are going to give up on the faith and chase after demonic illusions put forth by professional liars. These liars have lied so well and for so long that they've lost their capacity for truth. They will tell you not to get married. They'll tell you not to eat this or that food—perfectly good food God created to be eaten heartily and with thanksgiving by believers who know better! Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks. Nothing is to be sneered at and thrown out. God's Word and our prayers make every item in creation holy." - 1 Timothy 4:4 (The Message)

Relationships are Like a House...

...if I ignore problems, decay, or maintenance issues - pretend they don't exist or put them off to another day - cracks and irreparable (or extremely costly) damage is done.

My house was built in 1955; it's 56 years old. There was a leak above the front overhang that rotted the wood. Roofers replaced the boards and stopped the leak. The siding is old and cracking. I paint over it to look new. The bush out in front is beautiful but thorns threaten the window screens. I trim back the branches. Spring time brings weeds in the lovely curved pathway. I pull them to make it look cared for. Dead branches sit idly among the thriving, live, green ones on the tree. I use a branch saw to remove them. Plants and flowers die in the fall. I work up the ground, plant new plants, and water them throughout the spring and summer. Houses are a lot of work. If I left these things in disrepair, states of decay and overgrowth, and never replaced anything, my house would soon fall apart, cost me more money and headaches, be an eye sore to the neighbors, lose value, and not reflect the pride and care I take in maintaining and improving it. I have to constantly take care of it.

Often, little repairs can be annoying. I want to put them off. I want to forget they exist. I want someone else to do it. I want everything to last forever. I don't want to inspect things, praying there isn't a leak, crack, dent, nick, tear, or other problem. Can't my house just take care of itself...and be "perfect" forever? Can't I just let it go and hope the problem goes away? Why do I have to be so vigilant and act quickly when problems arise? When will the house stop falling apart?

Relationships are just like my house.

I fix one problem and another one crops up. I get over one hurt and another comes my way. God delivers me through a storm and a few days or weeks later, another one is on the horizon. Everything seems to be working out really well - better than expected - and then a difficult issues crops up. I think everyone loves me and is getting along, only to find out I've been (unbeknownst to me) extremely challenging for one person. Or I sense tension, jealousy, bitterness. Or I see or hear of a family member or friend who makes one horrible choice after another.

I can't sit idly by.
I want to let it go.
I want it to go away on its own.
I want it to fix itself.
I wish things were perfect.

But, just like my house, I have learned that I need to take care of things. I need to be persistent and fix problems as they appear, not leave it for weeks, months, or years...hoping it will take care of itself. God created us to be RELATIONAL BEINGS. Yes, we can choose to be hermits; to pull away from the world and the people around us. But then, we aren't nourished. We aren't in community. We shrivel and die or our personalities become as hard as stone - unmoving, unchanging, cold... I've learned a huge, vital lesson in the last few years. Are you ready for it?

Life is RELATIONSHIP.
God created us to be in community - to relate to one another daily.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. - Genesis 2:18
Relationships are important.

For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. - Romans 14:7

Relationships are a constant in life.
Relationships take work. Maintenance. Diligence. Vigilance. Perseverance. Truth. Openness. Welcoming. Respect. Patience. Love. Compassion. Understanding. Justice. Forgiveness. Mercy. Grace.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. - 1 John 14:11

Without these things, relationships will decay, fall apart, disintegrate...


In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. - Philippians 2:5

But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. - Psalm 19:12

17,280 Minutes Without Wheels

My lovely Jeep decided it couldn't take it anymore. It's 10 years old. It has 126,000 miles. It commuted to Denver for a year while I (selfishly) went to grad school. It roared through thigh-high snow. It was rear-ended the day before I (selfishly) went to Italy with my mum. It faithfully stood by me for the last 6 years. I tried to listen to it as it groaned or moaned or quietly leaked coolant and really tried not to complain. But then, it happened...

My Jeep decided it had enough. The check engine light came on, the check gauges light shined its brilliant red, the oil pressure took a dive south, and the temperature was about 3.78 degrees lower than that of the sun's surface. Brilliant! At least it's communicating with me. But did it have to communicate everything at once? I kept taking it in to a mechanic who is (conveniently) 0.4 miles down the road so I could walk home after dropping it off. They put in a new radiator (finally) after tons of little ($200) fixes. I thought they had my best interest in mind and were carefully, methodically, diligently figuring out the exact reason for the sputtering, ticking, coolant-losing Jeep. But alas. I thought wrong.

Thankfully, I was referred to a brilliant mechanic who has taken 4 days to carefully, methodically, diligently figure out what is causing what...and refuses to simply fix the symptoms. Maybe, if I'm lucky enough, I'll get to "buy" my car back from the mechanic for $2000 to $3000 and not have to deal with car dealers. Gulp. So this makes day 12 without driving my vehicle. I could get used to this. It saves on gas. It saves on me "needing" to go to Target or other stores. So far, people have been great. I even had a client insist on picking me up to drive me 15 minutes north to finish up a project.

This has all helped me decide something very important.

I am selling my house.

I am moving into a tent.

I am buying a horse.

I'm naming him "Jeepers" in honor of the Jeep that fought oh-so-valiantly for these past years.

Happy times to come, I'm sure of it...

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Body Odor: How Do You Smell to Others?

I have a sensitive nose. More sensitive than the average person, I'm afraid. My sister-in-law constantly asks me if her children's diapers need changing because-she convincingly laments-that she just can't smell it. Hmm...I may be getting duped, but she DOES say it sweetly. (As a side note: I can't imagine how much more sensitive my smell will be when I'm pregnant. I've heard it only exacerbates it.)


Anyway...my sensitive nose has helped me pick out great perfumes, be attracted to tantalizing cologne, and smell sweet fruits, flowers, rain, and the great outdoors. But, it has also brought bad smells to my nose (and can be annoying or helpful): fish, rotten or moldy food, cigarette smoke, and (ahem!) unpleasantries on sidewalks or on lawns. 


Just the other day, I walked past a freshly-budding lilac bush. They smell so good. Amazing, really. Their fragrance permeates the air around the delicate little flowers and every time I walk by a lilac bush, I never want to breathe out. I just want to inhale it continuously and not stop smelling. Apple blossoms are even more enticing to me. I seek out the smell, linger in it, wish it lasted longer. I'm attracted to it.


Christ's fragrance is the same.

"For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing." 2 Corinthians 2: 15 (NKJV)

And yet, there are smells that repulse me. A group of people walked by me the other day and I smelled cigarette smoke. Immediately my nose curled and I tried to stop breathing in the smell, the distasteful odor.

How do I "smell" to others? Is the cloud around me that of love, compassion, kindness, positivity, and patience? Is it the same way with my fragrance? Do people linger in my presence? Do they wish they didn't have to leave? Am I the "fragrance of Christ"? As winter and spring battle and spring slowly, surely, deftly wins, new fragrances abound. I pray that I will be the fragrance of Christ as I awake from my winter slumber. I want to serve. I want to get my hands dirty for Christ. I want those who are being saved and those who are perishing to know me by the fragrance of Christ dripping, oozing, emanating from me continuously. 


I want to be fragrant and dripping with Christ...and attract others with His love. I don't want others to be turned off by impatience, negativity towards others, melancholy days, anger, bitterness, or anything that doesn't sniff of the Glory of God. Nope. I want to attract others with the fragrance of His beauty.

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God's Way: A Poem from Prison

I asked the Lord for a bunch of fresh flowers
but instead he gave me an ugly cactus with many thorns.


I asked the Lord for some beautiful butterflies
but instead he gave me many ugly and dreadful worms.


I was threatened,
I was disappointed.
I mourned.


But after many days,
suddenly,
I saw the cactus bloom
with many beautiful flowers.


And those worms
became beautiful butterflies
flying in the Spring wind.

God's way is the best way.

- Dr Chun-Ming Kao, Taiwan

Written while in prison for 4 years, 3 months, and 21 days


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Once Upon a Flu

Are you thankful in every situation? Even when you're weak with sickness and not even the most well-meaning, sweetest people can take away the chills of a fever or the body ache of viruses? I know I'm not, but this is a little tale of how I became thankful...even for the flu.

Once upon a time, I lived near a railroad track. Every time a train went by, it blew its whistle, loud and clear. I loved the sound, but became so used to it that -- unless I was paying close attention -- the sound faded into the background and I didn't even hear it anymore.

And the same thing happens with God's voice.

I follow Jesus and hear His voice daily. Well, OK, I walk in His ways and follow His teachings. But sometimes, His voice just fades into the background...like the train whistle, or wallpaper, or a ticking clock.

And He has seemed to fade into the background ever since I returned from Israel (on October 12). My life has been on fastforward. Bible study, prayer group, Community Night, hosting dinners for 10 people, hosting dinners for 15 people, coffee with this person and breakfast with that person. I knew I had to slow down. I knew I made God my wallpaper and set Him aside. I think God was pretty much shouting at me to slow down or at least politely -- yet vehemently -- whispering to STOP ALREADY and REST IN ME.

"But God, I'm doing great things for YOU", I'd say as I gave God a smile, a thumbs up, and a catch-ya-later wave. I intended to slow down. But so-and-so called, and then they texted, and I got a fascinating email, and then a friend stopped by, and then Facebook begged me to come to this event, and oh, could you host numerous dinners? As an incurable extrovert and someone who loves to display hospitality, how could I resist?

So where does the part about the flu come in?

Oh yes, the flu. Well, I came down sick with the flu a couple of days ago. Aches, chills, fever, other stuff I don't want to talk about... Basically, I was up every single hour of the night and stayed in bed nearly all of the next day. I had to give up the fun of hosting a baby shower and find a new venue for the party and inform all 19 people that it would be 3 miles down the road instead so please have a great time. Whew!

(Back story: Drag myself out of bed. Wonder whether I can fake that I'm not sick during the party. Determine that is impossible. Clear the fog out of my head and figure out a new place. Call sister-in-law who was dragged to Iowa while my brother hunts to check on venue. She calls her father in Colorado to get the OK. Call sister-in-law back. Venue's great. Call mother-to-be. Call close friend. Call mother-to-be's mother-in-law. Hand over the reigns of the party. Curl up in bed. Done.)

SO...back to the flu (forgive my rambling, I'm still recovering!!!)

I was a bit mopey about not being able to host my dear friend's baby shower. I hate being slowed down. I was supposed to go the Warren Miller Film the night before, Breakfast Club in the morning, the shower, and then an Israel Photo/Dinner Reunion that night.

And then God stiff-armed me. You know, like the Heisman Trophy statue? I felt like He said, "I've asked you repeatedly to just slow down. I've whispered. I've hinted. I've nudged. But, you completely ignored me. Oh sure, I saw you pause a little or feign slowing down here and there, but I just want you to hang with me for a while. Remember the whole 'still small voice' thing?" (1 Kings 19:12) "Be still, and know that I am God..." - Psalm 46:10

But laying in my bed, curled up and attempting to stop the chills, I remembered Corie ten Boom's story. She complained to her sister Betsy about all of the fleas they had to endure in their concentration camp barracks. And then they read 1 Thessalonians 5:18
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
And they found that the guards were avoiding their barracks and refused to do inspections, leaving them free to do Bible studies, talk openly, and pray freely. Why? Because of all of the icky fleas!

So, I thought of my really minor little problem called THE FLU. God used it, I believe, to deplete me of my energy, make me stop and think, and realize that I had no energy or ability apart from Him. I was at my lowest and all I could do was look up!

Yes, that is so true. I have been running myself ragged trying to please this person and that, trying to do good for all people, trying to be all things to everyone, make everyone happy and healthy and filled up. But sometimes, God just wants us to be. And that's what this flu has done for me. I was able to rest, listen to music, pray, think, and (GASP!) rest.

And it was good.

And I was thankful.

And now I'm better.

And I was glad to be stiff-armed by God.

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Do You Trust Me? What We Can Learn About God from Aladdin

"Do you trust me? Do...you...trust me?" Aladdin reached down to Jasmine and asked if she trusted him. He gently reached out his hand and asked her this question when he was dressed as Prince Ali Ababwa...and when he was the lowly Aladdin, a peasant boy. She knew then that it was Aladdin dressed as the prince. She knew she could trust him.

Lately, I've been picturing God the same way. He has been reaching His hand down to me and asks, "Do you trust me?" I hesitate ever so slightly. He asks again, "Well...do you trust me or not?"

I am leaving for Israel in 6 days. I am heading to Jerusalem and Gaza for 10 days of ministering to Muslims, Christians, and Jews in one of the most volatile lands in the world. Constant unrest between Israel and Palestine creates constant friction. Frightening reports of suicide bombers, blown up buses, shootings, and riots pepper the news.

I just returned from Peru on July 17. It wasn't a stretch for me to go down to South America. It was familiar. I speak Spanish. It's relatively safe. We were visiting sweet Compassion children and taking a (somewhat) cushy bus ride to get to the outskirts of the jungle. The worst thing I feared was a parasite. I hadn't asked for financial support for a mission trip for at least 2 years. I wasn't worried about the money and it came it pretty easily.

But Israel seems different.

I knew I had to go when I was asked in April, in June, and in July. I knew I had to go when I found out it was a medical trip. I knew I had to go when I realized how it would build my faith. Raise $3600 in 2 and a half months? (Gulp!) Would it be possible? I knew I was rationalizing why I shouldn't go. And yet God kept reaching out His hand asking, "Do. You. Trust. Me?"

And so I trust Him. I trust Him with my safety; with my life. My life is not in my own hands; it never has been. I have no more control over what will happen to me on the way to the grocery store tomorrow than I do over my physical safety in Gaza.

"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God. They're like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers—Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, Serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season." - Jeremiah 17: 7-8 (The Message)

God has called me to Israel for 10 days. He has asked me to trust Him and hold His outstretched hand.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness whine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." - Psalms 37:5-6

Someone told me not to fear...to dial God's 911. It is so reassuring:

"You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow, Say this: 'God, you're my refuge. I trust in you and I'm safe!' That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards. His huge outstretched arms protect you—under them you're perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm. Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night, not flying arrows in the day, Not disease that prowls through the darkness, not disaster that erupts at high noon. Even though others succumb all around, drop like flies right and left, no harm will even graze you. You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance, watch the wicked turn into corpses. Yes, because God's your refuge, the High God your very own home, Evil can't get close to you, harm can't get through the door. He ordered his angels to guard you wherever you go. If you stumble, they'll catch you; their job is to keep you from falling. You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes, and kick young lions and serpents from the path." - Psalms 91: 1-13

I know I am God's. I know that we have a purpose in Jerusalem and Gaza. I trust that God holds me in the palm of His hand. And so I go out, not always boldly, but in faith.

I look up into the face of God and see His outstretched hand. His kind eyes ask, "Do you trust me?" And I take His hand and walk confidently to Israel 6 days from now...