Partner dancing can be one of the most fun things to do: Salsa, East Coast Swing, Waltz, Two Step, West Coast Swing, the Lindy Hop... The list goes on. I once had a guy tell me, "I know a guy who can dance makes women swoon. But, I have no idea why."
Women Swoon
I can tell him why. First off...the obvious. Dancing can get your heart pumping, can be rather romantic, you feel good being asked to dance, and is just plain 'ol fun. A guy who can dance is a commanding presence on the dance floor. A woman who can respond to his lead feels secure, cared for, feminine, beautiful, elegant, graceful, and safe. She doesn't have to rise up and tell him what to do. She doesn't have to push him around, tell him when to do a spin, or feel foolish. Women aren't taught to lead in dancing. The couple must have one person to lead and one person to follow. Partner dancing NEEDS a leader. We can't both be telling each other what to do out there or we will run into each other, look foolish, get frustrated, and not work together as one unit. Without that, the dance and partnership will fail.
Submission and Following
A woman's role in dancing is to respond to her lead, a man. The lead's role is to pull the woman's hand to let her know when to turn, push gently on her back, and give other subtle (or obvious) clues of what he wants her to do next. This is vitally important to partner dancing, especially when it's not a rehearsed routine. I know that I can go swing dancing with a complete stranger (if he knows how to swing dance) and have fun.
Reassuring and Validating
A friend of mine is an incredible swing dancer. Incredible. And he makes me feel like an incredible swing dancer when we dance. But, he also knows how to read my limitations. He's not throwing me around the dance floor or doing dangerous moves. He told me, "My job out there is to lead you. To make you comfortable. To take care of you on the dance floor. If you don't get what I'm leading you to do the first time, I'm not going to be frustrated or upset; I'll just do it again until you get it."
How completely reassuring is that?
Do you see where I'm going with this? A man who can partner dance successfully makes me feel completely feminine on the floor. I respond to his lead. I submit to his guidance. I don't fight back when he directs me to turn right or left. He doesn't get mad because I don't know where he's leading; he steps up his game and leads with more strength. He takes care of me. He has command. But, the dance will completely fall apart if I'm not playing my role.
Insight from Mr. Donald
I recently gained some insight and validation from an unlikely source. Donald Miller wrote about What Women Really Need from Men and also What Men Really Need from Women. He states, "It’s important to note that a strong, confident woman is what a guy needs, but it’s not always what a guy wants. Guys who are weak themselves may feel secure with a weak woman, but girls, this is not the guy for you. Strength attracts strength. Feminine strength is incredibly attractive...Girls don’t want a weak guy. People are insecure already, so they don’t want you to be insecure, too."
A guy (on the dance floor or in marriage) does not want a partner that is too shy, nervous, or intimidated to BE a good dance partner. He wants a woman who walks confidently on the floor, waiting for him to lead. He wants a woman strong enough to keep up with him. A woman who loves the dance. A woman who chooses HIM to be her leader. See...isn't dancing a perfect metaphor for a strong, beautiful relationship? Yeah...I think so.
Even my friend Suzanne, a writer for Boundless, had a comment posted to her blog about What Men and Women Really Need. The girl said, "There is a difference, though, between a strong lead and a overbearing lead. You don't want to jerk the girl around, or push her into moves that she's uncomfortable with, which will just end up making both of you feel and look awkward. The best leads are firm, but gentle, and know how to read the girl's abilities to see what she'd be OK with. Girl A might want to be thrown all over the dance floor and do dangerous lifts, but Girl B might only be good with some gentle spins and the basic step. A good lead will be able to tell the difference and lead each girl accordingly -- but he'll also know which type of girl he prefers to dance with, if you will." Well said.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. and a Good Partner
Donald also says, "A guy who has a serious vision for his life and family is looking for a partner, an advisor, somebody who can work with him to do remarkable things...Self-assurance is beautiful. A choosy girl is beautiful. A woman who does not manipulate with her appearance is beautiful. A girl who is respectful of other people is beautiful."
I respect men who try. Men who want to learn. Men who want to lead. Men who see that role and gladly accept it. I want to partner with him for "the dance" whether that's on the dance floor or in life. I want to help him shine, to be my leader, to be a strong and successful leader, to feel confident, to feel valued and affirmed by me, his dance partner. If I laugh at mistakes, refuse to dance with him because he's not exceptional, or belittle his efforts to learn with me, I am not a good partner. Together, supporting each other and seeing each role as we should, we can do remarkable things out there on the dance floor.
I love dancing with a good, great, or amazing dancer. It's frustrating to be with a guy who's timid, shy, unwilling to lead, or someone who gets frustrated with me because I didn't get what he wanted me to do. So, I don't dance with just anybody.
Life. Is. Adventure.
"My friend John Eldredge says you should be on an adventure, and you should invite them into that adventure. A girl doesn’t really want you to stare into her eyes like a lovesick puppy (at least not for long); she wants you to put your arms around her and stare into the horizon, to the place you are going together."
Dancing is an adventure. You don't know what you're going to do next. A good lead makes it exciting. He mixes it up. He gets creative.
Do I need a guy who can dance? No. Would it be nice. Sure! But no matter who chooses me, I want to be a great partner, advisor, and friend. Now get out there and dance.
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