Now You're Speakin' My Language

I would be delusional thinking you had never heard of "The Five Love Languages." I have to admit, when I first heard about the book, it sounded rather hokey to me. My oldest brother told me about it and he was the same one that said he had "points in his love bank" when he did something sweet, helpful, kind, or loving toward his wife. Then again, the book did come out in 1992. I was young. Silly. Naive.

But, after actually learning about the concept, I concluded that the 5 love languages are actually really helpful to know about. Why? Because I feel really uplifted by certain people and not by others; my parents included, and I figured out why. My mom, for example, speaks my love language (words of affirmation). My dad speaks his own (acts of service) and tries to convey it to me and my siblings. Interestingly enough, I had 3 softball coaches in college in 4 years. Two of them spoke words of affirmation to me. I felt like they shot sunshine, self-esteem, and validation straight into my veins. One of them spoke no words of affirmation and seemed to despise me. When did I break records and play better than I could have imagined? When I was affirmed. I was horrible when I had no affirmation from my coach. Hmm...curiouser and curiouser.

You May Speak Something and Hear Somethinge Else

You might speak a love language and shower friends with gifts or maybe you write effusive, sweet, sentimental cards telling someone how much you care. But, you may receive love in another way. Maybe you really feel loved when someone mows your lawn (pretty please) or gives you a hug or just sits down with you at a coffee shop to chat, hear about your day, and be with you.

We don't get it as well as my mom's. OK, I admit. I've never actually read the book, but I love the concepts. They aren't JUST useful to know in romantic relationships. They apply to all relationships: co-workers, friends, siblings, acquaintences, family, the grocery store clerk, your pastor. It's kind of like the Myers-Briggs Personality Types. It just helps you relate to others a little better. In case you don't know about them, here's a little synopsis:

Words of AFFIRMATION

• Unsolicited compliments mean the world do you.
• Hearing the reasons behind someone's affection and like for you sends your spirit skyward.
• Insults leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
• Actions don't always speak louder than words.

Quality TIME

• Nothing says, "I care about you," like full, undivided attention.
• Really being there with the TV off, fork down, and chores on standby makes you feel special and loved.
• Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving GIFTS

• The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind a gift.
• The perfect gift or guesture shows that you are known, cared for, and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.
• A missed birthday or hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous along with the absence of everyday guestures.

Acts of SERVICE

• Anything done to ease the burden of responsibilities will speak volumes.
• The words you want to most here are, "Let me do that for you."
• Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for you tell you that your feelings don't matter.

Physical TOUCH

• You're not particularly touchy feely.
• Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touch on the arm, shoulder, or face show excitment, concern, and love.
• Physical presence and accessibility are crucial while neglect or abuse are unforgivable and destructive.

Show 'Em You Love 'Em

So, have you wondered why your kind words, thoughtful gift, sacrificial service, hug, or hours raking the lawn weren't received in quite the [incredibly exuberant and amazing] way you imagined? Have you seen the look of disappointment when someone did or said something for you that you didn't really make you jump for joy? Maybe figuring out your love languages in order or those of your closest friend, relative, loved one, or neighbor would speak volumes and help you forge a closer relationship.

Take a Little Test

Take the Five Love Languages Test to find out just where you fall on the continuum. You might have more than one, but there's got to be something that says "I Love and Affirm You" more than the others. They take 30 seconds to complete. Sweet!

There's other tests, too:

For Wives
For Husbands
For Parents of Teenagers
For Singles
For Children

P.S.

My love languages, in particular order if you please are:
Words of AFFIRMATION
Quality TIME
Acts of SERVICE
Physical TOUCH
Receiving of GIFTS

Just in case you were wondering...